26th Aug2011

The Friday Five

by Jason Ward

Rock musicians, like all successful entertainment personalities, are attention whores by nature.

How’d some of rock’s biggest & best scream for the spotlight this week?  The Friday Five reveals all!

Noel Gallagher: filthy liar

Remember back in 2009 when Noel Gallagher told the press that the last-ever Oasis concert had to be cancelled because brother/bandmate Liam had a hangover?

Of course not.  Nevertheless, it turns out Noel was full of it – as usual.

RollingStone.com reported this week that Noel admitted during a Facebook webchat with fans that Liam was actually suffering from laryngitis at the time.  Meanwhile, Liam is suing Noel over the hangover comments because, “…what Noel has alleged…went way beyond rock-and-roll banter and questioned my professionalism.”

Remember: “Don’t Look Back in Anger” – just sue from it.

McCartney ‘s Movement

Sir Paul making music for twinkle toes?  It’s happened.

The former Beatle wrote the score to his first ballet, Ocean’s Kingdom, which will debut in production at the New York City Ballet’s fall gala on September 22nd.

Decca, the label that rejected the Beatles 50 years ago and said the band had “no future in show business,” has teamed up with McCartney to release the score in England on October 2nd according to RollingStone.com.

For Macca, it’s got to feel like “suite” revenge.

These punchlines get better, I promise.

The Nevermind Show with Jon Stewart

As Grunge slips into the confines of the classic rock genre, the album that broke the Seattle scene is about to get some special treatment.

The Hollywood Reporter has revealed that Sirius XM satellite radio has tapped Daily Show host Jon Stewart to preside over a two-hour radio broadcast to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the Nirvana album Nevermind on September 26th.

Surviving Nirvana members Krist Novoselic and Dave Grohl, along with record producer Butch Vig, will talk about making the album and reminisce about the genius/train wreck that was Kurt Cobain, who died by his own hand in April of 1994.

It’s great to see guys like Novoselic, Grohl and Vig get some time in the spotlight again.  It’s not like any of them have gone on to do anything else.

<Cough>  Moving on…

Mustaine & Metallica

“I would do it.”

That’s what Dave Mustaine of Megadeth told a reporter from the Boston Phoenix when asked if he’d hook up with Metallica for a musical project.

“I’ve talked to (Metallica singer) James about this before,” said Mustaine. “And he didn’t say “No,” that he and I and (Metallica drummer) Lars and (Megadeth bassist) David Ellefson should do a record together and see what happens. Not as a band or anything like that, but something to donate the money to charity.”

Mustaine had been an early guitarist for Metallica in the 1980s before being dumped by the band.  He went to found Megadeth and has been performing of late with Metallica, Slayer and Anthrax as part of the Big 4 tour, celebrating their collective thrash metal legacy.

Metallica recently recorded a song with former Kinks frontman Ray Davies, and have announced the November 1st release of an album with Lou Reed titled Lulu.

Hell, anything at this point has to better than Death Magnetic.

Donald Trump & Bret Michaels = reality TV’s dynamic duo

The Donald isn’t done with the “Rock of Love” quite yet.

The celebrity businessman and rocker-turned-Celebrity Apprentice winner are teaming up for a new show called Something to Believe In, which will feature the Poison frontman touring America to help those in need, according to Entertainment Weekly.

A rich guy bankrolling some dude that sings poorly to drive around America and help people?  If you think this concept sounds familiar, I have two words for you:

Knight Rider.



The Friday Five appears every Friday (surprise!) at JasonWard.ca.

Category : Entertainment, Friday Five, Music
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26th Aug2011

Ward’s Weekend

by Jason Ward


Next week brings the Labour Day long weekend, but there’s still some summer left to enjoy.  Here’s what’s happening in and around the big city:

Friday August 19, 2011

While the Canadian National Exhibition continues its 132nd year, Canada’s largest comic book, sci-fi, horror and gaming fan convention takes place this weekend in the Metro Toronto Convention Centre’s south building.

Getting in to the 17th annual Fan Expo will cost you $30 Friday, $40 Saturday and $30 on Sunday, or about $80 for a deluxe pass if you want to go all weekend long (and if you want ideas on what to do while there, click here).

At the box office, look for new films like the Guillermo Del Toro-produced Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, the comedy Our Idiot Brother and the almost-but-not-quite-sequel to 1994’s Leon (The Professional), Colombiana.

Toronto’s music scene in the ‘80s was one of the best, and you can sample the sounds of the era as Holly Woods reunites with the band Toronto for a 7:30 show at the Rockpile in Etobicoke.  Tickets cost $25 at the door.

Saturday August 20, 2011

With the unfortunate passing of Jack Layton, Toronto resident and leader of the Official Opposition of Canada, the area around Roy Thomson Hall will be packed with folks paying their respects during Mr. Layton’s state funeral, scheduled for 2 o’clock.  If you want to pay your respects, it’s the place to be.  If you need to be down in the area for other reasons, it’s best to take public transit – driving will be difficult at best.

Down by the St. Lawrence Market (Front Street between Yonge and Jarvis), soak in some street-level art, dance, comedy and music with the Scotiabank Buskerfest in support of Epilepsy Toronto, while Harbourfront Centre celebrates Taiwanfest and the north building of the Metro Toronto Convention Centre brings car lovers and bikini models together with the 11th annual Importfest.

Musically, the Bandshell at the CNE plays host to classic rockers Loverboy at 7:30.

Sunday August 21, 2011

With the CNE, Fan Expo, Taiwanfest and Buskerfest still going strong, there are plenty of options to enjoy on your Sunday after swinging through Leslieville for a decent weekend brunch from the likes of Lil Baci, OK OK Diner or Lady Marmalade.

Later on, help Kensington Market’s Bread & Circus get ready to close its doors forever by checking out the “Drink Us Dry” party at 5 PM, or head to the Molson Canadian Amphitheatre for Incubus and Tom Morello: The Nightwatchman at 7:30.

Want to get the word out on a notable event?  Send an e-mail here.

Category : Entertainment, Movies, Music, Ward's Weekend
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25th Aug2011

Fan Expo Top 10 To-Dos

by Jason Ward

If you can name Spider-Man’s greatest girlfriends or have strong feelings about Superman wearing tights versus body armour, this is probably the weekend you’ve been looking forward to all year.

Tens of thousands of fanboys, cosplayers and gaming geeks are expected to haunt the south building of the Metro Toronto Convention Centre this weekend for the 17th annual Fan Expo.

Whether your flavour is comic books, science fiction, horror, anime or gaming, Canada’s largest celebration of geek culture has a little something for everyone. Even so, over 400,000 square feet of convention floor space is a lot to cover, despite the event being expanded to 4 days this year.

No matter if you’re a first-timer or an expert, a little guidance can go a long way. Here are Biff Bam Pop’s Top 10 things to check out at this year’s Fan Expo:

10 – Autographs – Some big names will be in attendance this year, including William Shatner (Star Trek), Martin Landau (Ed Wood), Robert Englund (A Nightmare on Elm Street), Barbara Eden and Larry Hagman (of I Dream of Jeannie) as well as other notable genre actors like Eliza Dushku (Faith on Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Katee Sackhoff (Battlestar Galactica), Malcolm McDowell (A Clockwork Orange) and Tom Felton (Harry Potter). The autograph area will have prices and schedules posted for all your favourites, but be sure to budget at least $100 for the big names (Shatner, Landau, etc.) and $40 on average for the rest.

9 – The Captains­ – William Shatner became a household name thanks to the role of Captain James T. Kirk in Star Trek, and with his attendance on Sunday comes a chance to see clips of his new documentary The Captains, where Shatner sits down to talk to the many other actors who’ve played – you guessed it – captains in the Star Trek franchise. Check out Shatner’s space on Sunday in the autograph area to find screening times.
8 – This Filthy World – John Waters is known around the world as “The Pope of Trash,” and the Toronto Underground Cinema hosts the man himself Saturday night at 7 in a one-man vaudeville show exploring his influences and interests. Just be prepared to shell out some dough – it’ll cost you $35 at the door to soak it in.
7 – Gaming Demos – Want to see and even sample the game play of titles like Batman: Arkham City, Gears of War 3 and Disney Universe? EB Games’ Gaming Expo will feature many opportunities for you to explore this fall’s hottest titles all weekend long.
6 – Panels – Have a question about DC’s big September relaunch? DC’s “The New 52” panel takes place Saturday in room 716 at 1 PM. Later, Marvel talent scout C.B. Cebulski hosts the “Pint o’ C.B.” panel in room 714 at 5:30 and is expected to announce some new series, including a project called Destroy! that was teased earlier this week. Also check out Friday’s 5:30 panel on creating independent comic books, presented by the guys behind Kill Shakespeare in room 717, and Sunday’s 1:30 Q & A with Freddy himself, Robert Englund, in Hall G.
5 – Speed Dating – Tired of spending too many lonely nights curled up with your Y: The Last Man trades and wanting to share the experience? Saturday brings a new all-genre speed dating event, where you could very well meet the love of your life, or at least of the night. The event gets underway at 6 o’clock in room 803, but arrive early – space will be extremely limited.
4 – Tom Savini – The make-up master and horror movie icon will be at Rue Morgue’s booth (#1828) for much of weekend, in addition to a Q & A session in Hall G on Friday at 2:30 PM. He’ll also host the midnight costume contest at the 2011 Festival of Fear party at Revival on Saturday night, but it’ll cost you $15 at the door to get in.
3 – Artist Alley – When it comes to comics, this is where the future is. Artist Alley is usually designed to feature established, mainstream artists around the perimeter of the area, while the new, independent and largely undiscovered talent populate the many other tables within. Spend some time meeting the stars of tomorrow, buy their samples and make great contacts if you’re looking to break in.
2 – Cosplayers – While Saturday night brings the annual Masquerade and Teletoon Retro Costume Contest to Hall G, that doesn’t mean it’s the only place to see amateur and professional costumers in their finest of finery. Look for cosplayers walking the halls throughout the weekend and lots of other folks (like yours truly) taking pictures. Bring your camera and don’t be afraid to ask if you can take a snapshot.
1 – Sunday Shopping – By the last day of Fan Expo, most retailers aren’t too keen on hauling a lot of unsold merchandise back to their stores. By 2 PM Sunday, you’ll see prices on books, movies and more drop in a last-ditch effort to get rid of as much as possible before the vans get packed up.
What are you most looking forward to at this year’s Fan Expo?

JW Ward is a Toronto-based writer, media personality and professional cynic. Follow him on Twitter at @jasonwardDOTca, through his website at www.jasonward.ca and every Thursday here at Biff Bam Pop!

Category : Entertainment, Movies, Reading, Ward's Weekend
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20th Aug2011

‘Conan’ doesn’t come together

by Jason Ward

Conan's HUNGRY!As a child, you might have played with puzzles.

Perhaps your first puzzle had only nine or twelve pieces to it.  You worked hard as a toddler to make it fit together, maybe even had to look to a parent for help with it.  When you finished it, you felt good. You were content.

As the years went on, you were given other puzzles, harder ones, and you put them together as well.  Some came together faster than others.  Some took more time. The feeling of satisfaction remained.

Then came a large puzzle with many pieces, perhaps five hundred or a thousand.  Despite your efforts, you couldn’t figure it out.  The pieces wouldn’t fit, nothing seemed to match and you just couldn’t get it to come together before you walked away in frustration.  Perhaps you came back to it from time to time, more of out of spite than interest, and on the day you finally finished the puzzle, the feeling of satisfaction was replaced with simple relief.

For director Marcus Nispel, Conan the Barbarian was such a puzzle.

Inspired by the pulp stories of author Robert E. Howard, Conan is born to a wounded mother on a battlefield and raised by his father, played by Ron Pearlman.  Proving his fighting pedigree at an early age, Conan is on track to become a great warrior of his tribe until soldiers of the power-hungry warlord Khalar Zym come calling.  Zym (Stephen Lang) is rebuilding a mask of great magical power that could resurrect his wife and make him a god among men, and Conan’s father possesses the final piece.

After his father and village are slain, Conan skips ahead in time to see the titular hero (Jason Momoa) freeing slaves and enjoying bare-breasted women as only a true barbarian can.  He’s also been searching for the man that destroyed his village, and after catching a break in that hunt, comes into contact with Tamara (Rachel Nichols), a monk descended from an ancient race whose blood is sought by Zym and his witch daughter Marique (Rose McGowan).

Despite all the good things in the movie (the cast, the blood, the barbaric boobs), problems were everywhere in Conan; excessive crane shots, a sub-par score that bordered on cheese, excessive CGI and poor editing.  The latter problem was made obvious in the last third of Conan, playing out like a collection of movie serials.  Conan rescues Tamara from a previously established danger, experiences a moment of relief, then starts another battle that sets up a new danger to overcome.  The cycle begins anew.

If anything, watching Nispel’s take on Conan makes you realize the superiority of the first, released back in 1982 and directed by John Milius.  That Conan the Barbarian starred Arnold Schwarzenegger, and despite his limited acting skills at the time, that film had more heart, poetry and sense of myth than the Conan of 2011.  There was a sense of magic and wonder, and crane shots were few and far between.  Comparing the two shows that the Conan of 1982 was a film, while Conan of 2011 is merely a movie, and a “B” movie at best.

If Conan were a puzzle and the actors, script, action and sense of myth were the pieces, they were more than director Marcus Nispel could handle.

He should have just walked away.

 

Conan the Barbarian
Starring Jason Momoa, Stephen Lang, Rachel Nichols, Ron Pearlman and Rose McGowan
Written by Thomas Dean Donnelly, Joshua Oppenheimer and Sean Hood
Directed by Marcus Nispel
2/5

Category : Entertainment, Movies
Tags : , , , ,
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19th Aug2011

JasonWard.ca – RECENTLY RENOVATED!

by Jason Ward

New?  Not entirely.  Improved?  Absolutely.

Welcome to the brand new JasonWard.ca!

Here among these web pages, you’ll find samples of my varied works – on the air, on the page, and now, online.

Movie reviews, social commentary, archives of radio shows and more can be found throughout JasonWard.ca, as well as brand new features like:

  • Ward’s Weekend – Don’t know how to spend your time away from work?  Find out what’s worth doing in Toronto right here.
  • Friday Five – A favourite feature from one of my previous blogs, read up on the five best and strangest stories from the world of rock every week.

JasonWard.ca is also now built for greater interactivity.  Like something you see?  Tell your friends on Facebook.  Have something to say?  Leave a comment.  Want to get in touch?  Head to the contact page and fire off a message.  I’d love to hear from you.

Thanks for stopping by, and be sure to check back often – there’s plenty more to come.

-JW

Category : News
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19th Aug2011

The Friday Five

by Jason Ward

Every Friday here at JasonWard.ca, catch up on the five strangest, stupidest stories from the world of rock.

Here’s what this week had to offer:

There and Black again?

Black Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi put to rest rumours that the original members of the group would be reuniting with Ozzy Osbourne for an album and tour next year following a report made by a journalist in Birmingham, England.

“Thanks to the internet it’s gone round the world as some sort of ‘official’ statement on my part, absolute nonsense,” wrote the 63 year-old on his website on Tuesday.

Then on Thursday, BraveWords.com reported that Black Sabbath manager Ralph Baker had spoken with the Birmingham Mail to explain Iommi’s statement in more detail.

“We haven’t got anything in place. He’s not denying that the guys have been talking but there’s nothing in the way that’s been implied in the statements that you made.”

At this point, is there a point?  There’s more autotune than Osbourne on his solo records over the last decade, and Ozzy live just ain’t what he used to be.

Bowie done

The author of a new book on the life of David Bowie says he thinks the rocker is done with music.

“I think he would only come back if he thinks he could deliver something that will be seismic,” said Paul Trynka, author of the book Starman to Spinner.com.  “It would be a bit of a miracle if he comes back, but miracles do happen.”

If the retirement is true, then it’s another reason to admire the man once known as Ziggy Stardust – he’s knows when to leave it alone.

Kissed Off

As reported by the Associated Press, rock band Kiss has been removed from a Michael Jackson tribute show scheduled for October 8th in Wales, England after numerous complaints from fans of the now-deceased “King of Pop.”

Following Jackson’s death in 2009, Kiss co-founder and bassist Gene Simmons said he believed the man behind “Thriller” had molested children, a crime Jackson had been acquitted of in 2005.

“We have listened to Michael’s fans and are grateful to have been alerted to these unfortunate statements by Gene Simmons,” said CEO Chris Hunt, of Global Live Events.

Is it a shock that Gene Simmons would go from knocking MJ in 2009 to playing a tribute show in 2011?  Hell no – Simmons never met a paycheque he didn’t like.

Serving up some AC/DC

The hard rockers of AC/DC have teamed up with Australia’s Warburn Estate to release four types of AC/DC wine, according to Canada.com.

2011 You Shook Me All Night Long Moscato, 2010 Hells Bells Sauvignon Blanc, 2008 Highway To Hell Cabernet Sauvignon and 2010 Back in Black Shiraz come in 750ml bottles and are only available on AC/DC’s home turf down under.

There’s been no word if the line will expand in the future with “Mistress for Christmas” Chianti or “Whole Lotta Rosé.”

Under the (lousy) covers

RollingStone.com has posted their top ten picks of the worst cover songs of all time, and the list is chock full of doozies , including Limp Bizkit’s beating of the Who’s “Behind Blue Eyes,” Madonna’s murder of “American Pie” and William Shatner’s LSD-inspired effort on the Beatles’ “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” (oddly, Shatner’s cover of “Rocket Man” didn’t make the list).

Pop princess Jessica Simpson’s attempt to cover and strip to Nancy Sinatra’s “These Boots (Are Made for Walkin’)” also made the list, and Britney Spears made a double-bill appearance for mishandling Joan Jett’s “I Love Rock & Roll” and the Rolling Stones’ “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction.”

The worst of the bunch?  Just click the video below…you’ll get the picture.

The Friday Five appears every Friday (surprise!) at JasonWard.ca.

Category : Friday Five, Music
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19th Aug2011

Ward’s Weekend

by Jason Ward

Making plans this weekend but not into thinking about it?  Here are some plum picks for your to-do list:

Friday August 19, 2011

The Princess Gates are open again as the Canadian National Exhibition kicks off its 132nd year.

Gorge on Fried Coke, Donut Cheeseburgers or anything in the Food Building!

Lose money on the Birthday Game and take home giant stuffed animals you’ll regret having later!

See the Midway at night, one of Toronto’s best sights in late August!

Tickets cost $8 for opening day admission but are usually $16 for adults, $12 for kids & seniors and only $5 after 5 PM Monday through Thursday.

If that doesn’t float your boat, there are two “reimagined” films hitting the theatres this weekend.  Fright Night stars Colin Farrell as the vampire on a killing spree in Anton Yelchin’s neighbourhood, based on the 1985 film of the same name, while Jason Momoa of Stargate: Atlantis fame takes up Arnold Schwarzenegger’s famous broadsword in Conan the Barbarian.

If musically inclined, head to The Drake Hotel tonight where Woah!  Music presents the official Jilted Lovers Club EP release party, with the pop-rock foursome headlining a show that starts at 7:45 and also features The Alter Kakers, Montreal’s Bravofunken and The Hamptons.

Saturday August 20, 2011

On Ossington Avenue, you can soak up some Cuban culture with Havana Cultura events between Dundas and Queen Streets, including Levack Block hosting a Public Master Class on creating Cuban Cocktails from 2 to 4.  Just register early on their website, be of legal drinking age and bring a valid piece of I.D.

By nightfall, you can spend $31 on lawn seats at the Molson Canadian Amphitheatre to see Blue Rodeo with Steve Earle & the Dukes & Duchesses.  Doors open at 6:30 and the show kicks off at 7:30.  If you want to rock a littler harder, AC/DC tribute Who Made Who plays the Rockpile in Etobicoke.

Sunday August 21, 2011

Sunday brunching in Toronto has become as much a tradition as church, and The Old Nick on the Danforth at Broadview offers one of the best organic brunches in the city until 4 PM.

If you need the car washed and ever wondered what it’d be like to have domesticated zombies do it, the ghouls behind the Toronto Zombie Walk are having a car wash to raise funds for this year’s event at the Classic Coin Car Wash (Landsdowne and College) from 12 to 6.  “Blood Treatment” and “Zombie Attack” will cost extra, though.  You’ve been warned.

Despite the fact that Sundays are generally quiet except on long weekends, there’s still adventure to be had.  Tattoo Rock Parlour hosts a mix of house, hip-hop and rock for Trash Palace Sundays, while the Velvet Underground has DJ Hanna spinning retro 80s & 90s starting at 10.

Got an event worthy of being pimped?  Send an e-mail here.

Category : Entertainment, Ward's Weekend
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18th Aug2011

Conan on camera

by Jason Ward

It might be hard to believe, but Conan the barbarian has been with us since 1932.

That’s when writer Robert E. Howard first saw his most famous creation in print, when the story “The Phoenix on the Sword” was published in the famous pulp magazine Weird Tales. Writing and releasing 17 more stories over the next 4 years, Howard is credited with creating the sword-and-sorcery subgenre of fantasy before dying by his own hand in 1936.

Since Howard’s death, Conan has become the world’s best known “barbarian” character through his many appearances in novels, comic book series, on television and, of course, in film.

With a brand-new Conan film hitting theatres this weekend, Biff Bam Pop! takes a look back at the barbarian’s legacy on the big screen.

Conan the Barbarian (1982)

When producers Edward Summer and Edward R. Pressman first saw bodybuilder Arnold Schwarzenegger in 1977’s Pumping Iron, they were impressed by his personality enough to start work on a vehicle for him. Being fans of North American fantasy, the two decided on the character of Conan, beginning a five-year developmental journey. While the first draft of the script was written by Summer and Conan comic book writer Roy Thomas, it wasn’t until then-screenwriter Oliver Stone delivered a version of his own that the project generated serious interest. Intent on directing, Stone would find himself pushed aside when European producer Dino De Laurentiis purchased the rights, hired John Milius as director and had him rewrite the script.

Made on a budget of about $20 million and released on May 14, 1982, Conan the Barbarian became a box office success despite featuring unknown actors supporting Arnold like dancer Sandahl Bergman as Valeria and surfer Gerry Lopez as Subotai. James Earl Jones, famous at the time as the voice of Darth Vader in Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back, appeared in Conan as the villain Thulsa Doom, originally a character from Robert E. Howard’s Kull stories.

Conan the Barbarian would become Schwarzenegger’s breakthrough vehicle and introduced one of the most famous pieces of dialogue in film history.

Conan the Destroyer (1984)

After Conan the Barbarian made almost $70 million at the box office, a sequel was fast tracked by producer Raffaella De Laurentiis. With John Milius unavailable, Richard Fleischer was recruited to direct. Thinking that Conan the Barbarian would have made more money if it hadn’t been rated R, Dino Di Laurentiis pushed for a film with less violence, more humour and a PG rating.

Again featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger as the titular hero and Mako as the wizard Akiro, Conan the Destroyer introduced a larger collection of companions for the famous barbarian, including Grace Jones as Zula, Wilt Chamberlain as Bombaata, a 15-year-old Olivia d’Abo as Princess Jehnna, while Sarah Douglas stepped in as the villainous Queen Taramis while an uncredited Andre the Giant worked in disguise as Dagoth, the “Dreaming God.”

Critically panned but commercially successful, Conan the Destroyer paved the way for Fleisher and De Laurentiis to dig deeper into Conan’s world, unleashing one of the worst films of all time.

Red Sonja (1985)
Based on a character created by Barry Windsor-Smith and Roy Thomas in the Conan comics (that was loosely based on a Robert E. Howard character called Red Sonya, a Renaissance-era heroine), Red Sonja saw model Brigitte Nielsen debut as the red-haired warrior, seeking revenge against the killers of her family.

Destined to only fall in love with a man that can best her with a sword, she meets her equal in Prince Kalidor. Played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kalidor is Conan in every way but in name due legal issues at the time over the rights to Conan relative to Howard’s “Red Sonya” and Thomas’ “Red Sonja.” Add to that the terrible script, poor acting from almost every party involved and overall poor production and it’s easy to understand why Red Sonja didn’t make back half of its $18 million budget.

Conan the Conqueror (1987)
Following the box-office slaying of Red Sonja in 1985, Dino De Laurentiis’ contract with Schwarzenegger expired and would have cost him dearly to renew due to the actor’s commitment to filming the movie Predator. Thus the third Conan film, based on the Robert E. Howard Conan novel The Hour of the Dragon, fell into developmental limbo for many years.

Conan the Adventurer (1992)
As Conan’s film career stalled, Graz Entertainment and Sunbow Productions were able to license the rights to the character for kid-friendly, Saturday morning cartoon consumption. Debuting in September 1992, Conan the Adventurer aired for 64 episodes in syndication and followed Conan as he fought a snake cult in an effort to bring his family back to life from “living stone.”

Conan and the Young Warriors (1993)
Spinning off from Conan the Adventurer, this cartoon series had Conan play mentor and protector to a group of kids destined to rule over Hyboria. As if anyone could believe in Conan as a family-friendly babysitter, the show mercifully only lasted for 13 episodes on CBS.

Kull the Conqueror (1997)
Through the 1990s, Arnold Schwarzenegger continuously refused to take up the role of Conan again, pushing producer Rafaella Di Laurentiis to drastic measures – a recasting. Actor Kevin Sorbo, popular at the time for playing the title character on TV’s Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, was approached but refused to take on a character so well established. Conan was replaced with Kull, Howard’s other barbarian pulp hero, and Kull the Conqueror arrived in theatres in 1997. It promptly bombed at the box office.

Conan the Adventurer (1997)
Evil Dead director Sam Raimi found himself with a bit of a success on his hands in the 1990s with Hercules: The Legendary Journeys and its spin-off show, Xena: Warrior Princess. Eager to cash in the sudden popularity of fantasy television, Balengica Productions, Keller Entertainment Group and Threshold Entertainment developed the low-budget Conan the Adventurer series, starring bodybuilder Ralf Möller as Conan. Bearing no continuity with the earlier films or comics, the series lasted only one 22-episode season.

In case you’re wondering why…

Conan the Barbarian (2011)
Over the last decade, the rights to a Conan film remained largely with Warner Bros. until 2007, when they were shifted to Nu Image/Millennium Films. Development of a new film, unconnected to the Schwarzenegger franchise and more faithful to Howard’s stories, began almost immediately. Big names like director Brett Ratner (Rush Hour, X-Men: The Last Stand) and producer Robert Rodriguez (Desperado, Grindhouse: Planet Terror) were attached to the project at different times, but nothing concrete materialized.

By 2009, Marcus Nispel (Frankenstein, Friday the 13th) was signed to direct. In January of 2010, Jason Momoa, of Stargate: Atlantis fame, was signed to star alongside Rose McGowan, Rachel Nichols and Ron Perlman, with a script by Thomas Dean Donnelly, Joshua Oppenheimer and Sean Hood.

Will it hold up? Will Momoa’s take hold water against Arnold’s? You’ll be able to judge for yourself this weekend. In the meantime, here’s a taste:

Schwarzenegger, Moeller or Momoa…who’s your favourite Conan?

 

JW Ward is a Toronto-based writer, media personality and professional cynic. Follow him on Twitter at @jasonwardDOTca, through his website at www.jasonward.ca and every Thursday here at Biff Bam Pop!

Category : Entertainment, Movies
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15th Aug2011

Monkey magic in ‘Rise of the Planet of the Apes’

by Jason Ward

Rise of the Planet of the Apes Comixfun by Jason Ward

Who’d have thought CGI monkeys taking over would be such a good idea?

That’s the case with the latest instalment/reimagining of the Planet of the Apes saga, started on the big screen back in 1968 with Charlton Heston cursing the damn dirty mammals on a futuristic Earth.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes follows the story of Caesar (Andy Serkis & lots of computers), a super-smart chimpanzee born to the prized lab animal of researcher Will Rodman (James Franco) as he experiments with a new treatment for Alzheimer’s.  When Caesar’s mother goes…well, apeshit, the research is shut down and all the chimps are ordered to be put down.  Being a newborn, Caesar is rescued by Rodman and brought home, where he learns at a rate close to a human.  Becoming a member of Rodman’s family unit, Caesar lives in a strange limbo between pet and son, while Will continues his research in the hope that it can cure his ailing father, played by John Lithgow.

As Caesar grows and learns, he tries to find his place in the human world but is rejected by those that are not the Rodmans.  After defending Will’s father from a neighbour following a relapse into dementia, Caesar is ordered into an animal sanctuary run by John Landon (Brian Cox) and staffed by his son Dodge (Tom Felton, Draco Malfoy from the Harry Potter series).  Forced into captivity, Caesar isn’t accepted by the other monkeys, and his brutalization at the hands of his human captors pushes Caesar to find a way to rebel when it seems that even Will has betrayed him.

Based entirely around the ever-incredible tag-team of Andy Serkis and WETA Digital – the pairing that brought us Gollum of The Lord of the Rings and the title character of Peter Jackson’s King Kong – the cast of Rise of the Planet of the Apes is more than adequate for a summer blockbuster special effects extravaganza.  John Lithgow’s Charles Rodman makes you feel the tragedy of a man betrayed by his own mind, while Brian Cox and Tom Felton are delightfully unlikable.

The only weak link in the cast lies in the top billing of James Franco, whose acting is so wooden that the only way he could win an Oscar is for playing a grown-up Pinocchio.  He acts here like he acts in everything – half-stoned and unsure of what he’s doing – and brings down almost every scene he’s in.

Despite Franco, the film flows well for a propaganda piece on simian superiority.  There are little moments that reference the earlier franchise, including one so “stinkingly” obvious that not having it would have removed a pivotal scene in the story’s development.  There’s also talk of a “lost” mission to Mars and one possible way that apes and humans swap places on the food chain – material enough for those that enjoyed the earlier films and want to feel a sense of continuity with what came before.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes is good for what it is, and much like Caesar himself, is more than what you think at first glance.

It also teaches a valuable lesson:

Don’t trust chimps that wear sweaters.

 

Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Starring James Franco, Frieda Pinto, John Lithgow and Andy Serkis
Written by Rick Jaffa & Amanda Silver
Directed by Rupert Wyatt
3/5

Category : Entertainment, Movies
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11th Aug2011

Reimaginings – What’s wrong with TV these days

by Jason Ward

When was the last time you watched something original on television?

Think about it.

Not so easy to answer, is it?

These days, it’s not much.  Most of it has been done before.

As the big networks get ready for a new season of prime-time programming, you might have already caught wind of what’s coming up this fall.  ABC has a reimagined version of Charlie’s Angels coming to Thursdays on top of a “modern take” on fairy tales with Once Upon a Time Sundays at 8, which NBC will try out as well every Friday at 9 with Grimm.  CBS already has one season of a new Hawaii Five-O under its belt, and now, they’re also looking into a new version of Bewitched for the fall of 2012.

Add to that the fact that Marvel Entertainment is prepping a new live-action version of The Incredible Hulk on the small screen while reality TV still peppers the network schedules and you start to get the picture.

New, original television isn’t happening these days.  At least not on the big networks.

Mary Louise Parker, star of Showtime's "Weeds."Most of the adventurous stuff is on the cable networks.  Showtime has Weeds, Dexter and Californication, but their season start times are all over the calendar.  HBO has the same issue with hits like Game of Thrones, True Blood and Entourage.  AMC has Mad Men and The Walking Dead (a comic book adaptation, but we’ll let it slide).

Considering that shows like this are easily found and digested on Netflix, streaming, bit torrents and DVD, it’s easy to understand why people are turning away from a big cable bill in favour of other options.  The technology has changed enough so the ad-heavy television subscription isn’t worth the money.  Add in the fact that many of us have less cash to spare thanks to the recession of 2008, and will have even less with the recession expected later this year, and you get an even clearer picture:

It’s your fault there’s less original television.

That’s why the major networks keep going to the well of what has been.  With younger audiences not buying in to television as generations before, the networks need to work even harder to appease those that already have the habit.   Familiarity breeds investment.  If a show was successful before, it could be again.  If people are already pressed for time and money, giving them something they already know gives them a sense of value by association, and they’re more likely to watch because it’s comfortable, unchallenging and less to think about.

The movie industry’s been the same for years too.  Same old delivery system, appealing to an audience with the same old habits.

Should you feel bad?  Guilty even?  Hell no.

It’s time for a change.

Vote with your dollar.  Watch what you want, how you want it.  Streaming internet?  DVD?  Webseries?  Go nuts.

The more you entertain yourself according to your interests and habits, the more other people do the same, the more the technology will change and improve and the more the programming will too.

The big networks will get the message, and it’ll be more than just their programming they’ll be forced to reimagine.

Get the picture?

Streaming?  Cable?  DVD?  How do you enjoy television programming these days?




JW Ward is a Toronto-based writer, media personality and professional cynic. Follow him on Twitter at @jasonwardDOTca, through his website at www.jasonward.ca and every Thursday here at Biff Bam Pop! 

Category : Entertainment
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