in Blog

Things I Don’t Understand Volume One: Social Media

Without social media, how would we kill time? Find out how much snow fell in Buffalo? Or how easy it is to stop traffic with streetcar shagging?

Yes, the possibilities (i.e. food pictures) are endless, but if you’re trying to start up your writing again and get it out to the public, a social media strategy is the easiest way to do it. But it takes some planning.

Since starting up this website again, I’ve been trying to be better about posting to social media: Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn, specifically (sorry, Google+, I have no idea what you’re good for anymore). I like being hands-on by posting my links manually. However, I am looking at making WordPress promote my posts whenever I publish, as well as using Hootsuite to schedule updates for different times to get more exposure. Oh yeah, and having more content will help, too.

As I’ve been researching my social media strategy, I’ve noticed a few things other people have done that, when you really think about them, are kind of disturbing. Here are five of them, just from today:

  1. Glamour Shots of Real Estate Agents – A good headshot, especially in this social media era, makes sense–something high quality, with good lighting, a slight smile, even a little arty, so your personality comes through. Even most real estate agents get this right, but then there are the ones that go too far: a soft-focus porn-star pose in a too-small suit and 3-inch pumps with a so-arched-it-looks-broken back? What exactly is being sold?  My wallet and crotch are now confused.
  2. Homemakers on LinkedIn – Just think about that for a second…
  3. Convoluted Children’s Photo Shoots – Sure, you’re a parent and you want a nice photo of your goofy spawn doing cute things. Why not just a natural photo of your little snowflake on their usual reign of terror? Not good enough, eh? So spending $200+ on a photographer to dress your child in ridiculous outfits on a day that isn’t Halloween makes more sense?  And you want to share these images of little Ruddiger as a farmer or painter or lemonade stand entrepreneur? Why not actually make them do that work around the house and show off the harvest, the painted wall, or the proceeds from sales that will be your next car payment? Now those are memories!
  4. Being “Blessed” – Everyone’s talking about being blessed. I can get that from the churchy folks, because they’re all chosen and stuff. But other people? I know you’re grateful, but no one cares if you’re blessed because your husband bought you dinner, or your wife put out, or your kid finally left home. If that’s the case, I’m blessed by my toaster. It’s so wonderful and makes my gluten-free bread as warm and tasteless as it was five minutes ago, and now I need to bless my toilet, and I feel really blessed that I remembered to buy toilet paper.
  5. Facebook Videos – You may have noticed this late on Thursday, November 20, but Facebook’s pushing that you send videos to your “friends” to say thank you for something, without the use of the Golden Girls theme song (another lost opportunity, Zuckerberg). Facebook itself makes these videos using tagged photos and public messages between you and your target/friend, but sets the vids to obnoxious muzak for maximum schmaltz. What saddens me is why so many people surrender to the cheap sentimentality so quickly. You have an option to add new photos, so why not do something really fun? Use gory pictures from horror movies and tag that public post from two years ago that says, “Thanks for the great time last night!”

Okay, that’s it for me. Have a good weekend, and try not to post your nudie pics to “The Cloud,” okay? That’s just dumb.


Write a Comment