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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Kill Date: I Hope Never

Jason Ward Abandons Boredom in Milton, Returns to “Less Fucking Dull” Toronto

Toronto, ON. – August 25, 2015: After three years of suffocating comfort and unyielding same in the town of Milton, Ontario, Jason Ward has returned to a place capable of staying awake past 8:30 at night – the city of Toronto.

“‘Bedroom community’ is exactly how I’d describe Milton,” said Jason in a recent rant powered by half a bottle of Jameson’s Irish Whisky. “It’s so boring – so goddamn boring – that it puts your very soul to sleep.”

The thirty-something project coordinator and sometimes-but-not-often-enough writer returned to Toronto with his family on August 8 and took up residence in Toronto’s midtown neighbourhood, close to the intersection of Bayview and Eglinton.

“I’m amazed by this diverse and vibrant community – homeless drunks, fitness freaks with the time and genetics to make working out worthwhile, half-crazed senior citizens who curse at you because you’re not as close to death as they are. It’s great to see more than just the exhausted parents and rabid children of suburbia.”

Jason also looks forward to reconnecting with the many friends he hasn’t successfully alienated in some of the city’s well-regarded restaurants and bars.

“Anything but Boston Pizza or East Side Mario’s. Fuck those shitholes.”

Despite his enthusiasm for returning to the city he left in 2012, Jason does have some concerns about his once and once-again home.

“When I first moved to Milton, Toronto was facing a deadly infestation. I can only hope in my absence that the city found a way to deal with the hipsters.”

For more information, contact Jason Ward in the ways that you know.